I dislike new things...not in the way that you think but being the kid on the block gives me some kind of anxiety or feeling that i dont like. I would initially start to feel helpless, stupid or watched. Just generally feel like i dont belong there and i dislike it. But i keep pushing myself to do new things, aim higher, push boundaries and in doing this i would have to have exposure to new career roles, meetings, training and there by new things and people.
Maybe i have diagnosed myself with some form of subtle avoidant personality with subtle social phobias and i am doing self cognitive behavioral therapy to manage this.
So i recently have to rotate through a new department, its super different from what i know and am used to it is not as paced and adrenaline rushing as all my other roles have been, Two weeks in and i feel some how confused, like i do not know what my aim for being there is and i dont have direction . My supervisor who i am supposed to work closely with and get myself acquainted with the environment, job and role went on leave after the first day.
Right now i feel like i am in limbo and yeah! i have too much free time and i am not used to having this much time on my hands and i do not know what to do with it .
I know it seems like a good problem and i should be happy but i am not ...
I want to be useful and feel useful
I want to see the actual direction of this and follow through
I know i am being unnecessarily worried but that's me... I am a worrier, I worry and that is just whats happening now and i know i would have a different story to tell..
Let me just call this the phase of gathering momentum before i take off beyond the stars...
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