I dislike new things...not in the way that you think but being the kid on the block gives me some kind of anxiety or feeling that i dont like. I would initially start to feel helpless, stupid or watched. Just generally feel like i dont belong there and i dislike it. But i keep pushing myself to do new things, aim higher, push boundaries and in doing this i would have to have exposure to new career roles, meetings, training and there by new things and people.
Maybe i have diagnosed myself with some form of subtle avoidant personality with subtle social phobias and i am doing self cognitive behavioral therapy to manage this.
So i recently have to rotate through a new department, its super different from what i know and am used to it is not as paced and adrenaline rushing as all my other roles have been, Two weeks in and i feel some how confused, like i do not know what my aim for being there is and i dont have direction . My supervisor who i am supposed to work closely with and get myself acquainted with the environment, job and role went on leave after the first day.
Right now i feel like i am in limbo and yeah! i have too much free time and i am not used to having this much time on my hands and i do not know what to do with it .
I know it seems like a good problem and i should be happy but i am not ...
I want to be useful and feel useful
I want to see the actual direction of this and follow through
I know i am being unnecessarily worried but that's me... I am a worrier, I worry and that is just whats happening now and i know i would have a different story to tell..
Let me just call this the phase of gathering momentum before i take off beyond the stars...
Thursday, February 20, 2020
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
3:16
we now enjoy.The very depth and height and width of the Love God has for his children and the extent to which he can go to reconcile us back to himself.
as many times as we have heard, read or come across this verse of scripture in the book of John it never looses its meaning even if many of us do not take out time to meditate on it, myself inclusive.
god loves you, period!
nothing you can do can separate you from this love.
I recently read a book by max Lucado which I stumbled on in a charity book store and bought '3:16' is the title. it turned out to be a literal 'flower in the attic' for me.
took me a couple of weeks to read through it but every chapter explained every single word in that verse and gave it a genuine and very real, personal meaning to me.
I fell in love over again with the one that first loved me...
what does '3:6' mean to you?!
Worship
Worship is not in the songs we sing or in the place we go to. It is in the attitude and outlook to and of life. It is in how we live our lives daily reverencing God.
our bodies are the temple of the holy spirit and what happens in temples? worship and sacrifice.
people go to shrines and temples to give sacrifices as an act of worship to deities for appeasement and to make requests.
our bodies are temples for the Holy spirit we carry him on the inside of us so we must live daily in this consciousness that everything we do,say and think is in tune with his spirit in worship.
when people say they go to church to worship God I don't think it is the right thing to say. we are the church. The building in itself is a place for fellowship and God tells us not to forsake the fellowship of the brethren. it is a place to build and to share the Love of God through his word and Jesus is the living word. we share Jesus in fellowship.
So the worship songs aren't actually what and when we should be in the mood of worship as it is often said during fellowship.
yes the songs do help put your mind in the consciousness of the sovereignty of God but it is not about the songs.
worship is a life style, it is a culture, it is in spirit and in truth; they that worship must worship in spirit and in truth and believe that God is and that he is a rewarder. He rewards worship and He desires worship from true worshippers.
when we come to this reality we will find that Holiness becomes a way of life.
God desires worshippers asides songs and buildings. he desires it in spirit and truth!
Are you a worshipper?!
our bodies are the temple of the holy spirit and what happens in temples? worship and sacrifice.
people go to shrines and temples to give sacrifices as an act of worship to deities for appeasement and to make requests.
our bodies are temples for the Holy spirit we carry him on the inside of us so we must live daily in this consciousness that everything we do,say and think is in tune with his spirit in worship.
when people say they go to church to worship God I don't think it is the right thing to say. we are the church. The building in itself is a place for fellowship and God tells us not to forsake the fellowship of the brethren. it is a place to build and to share the Love of God through his word and Jesus is the living word. we share Jesus in fellowship.
So the worship songs aren't actually what and when we should be in the mood of worship as it is often said during fellowship.
worship is a life style, it is a culture, it is in spirit and in truth; they that worship must worship in spirit and in truth and believe that God is and that he is a rewarder. He rewards worship and He desires worship from true worshippers.
when we come to this reality we will find that Holiness becomes a way of life.
God desires worshippers asides songs and buildings. he desires it in spirit and truth!
Are you a worshipper?!
Sunday, March 31, 2019
It speaks
There is this feeling I get when it comes to making choices about anything or anyone. It has to speak to me somehow. I don't know but it has to find a way to call out to me in some kind of way.
I remember going shopping with my big sister back in the day and it was my money to spend on clothes or shoes it was usually difficult to get me to like something and get it because I have to wait for it to speak to me. we usually ended up spending the money on her she is a really fashionable person and fashion pieces easily called out to her. everything she wore turned to gold.
Anyhow, like I said whether it was food, clothing items, books, friends even men before I take a leap it has to speak to me in volumes.
make love to and have conversations with my heart before I take that leap of faith.
Deep does call unto deep...
I remember going shopping with my big sister back in the day and it was my money to spend on clothes or shoes it was usually difficult to get me to like something and get it because I have to wait for it to speak to me. we usually ended up spending the money on her she is a really fashionable person and fashion pieces easily called out to her. everything she wore turned to gold.
Anyhow, like I said whether it was food, clothing items, books, friends even men before I take a leap it has to speak to me in volumes.
make love to and have conversations with my heart before I take that leap of faith.
Deep does call unto deep...
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Takers
Takers... Many People are takers and they have gotten used to taking so all they do is take take and take and loose sight o the fact that they too need to give.
They get super comfortable being on the receiving end that they forget what it means to give.
They take love, compassion, kindness, intimacy, romance and gifts and that's receivable to taking physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and otherwise to the extent that they become so lazy.
They do not see that there's any problem with what's happening and they are oblivious of the fact that anything is happening or that they are takers!
Are you someone who is comfortable with receiving from people in any and every way possible that you never get plagued by your conscience to give in return and you are comfortable with this?
Then you are indeed a taker!
please don't do it
They get super comfortable being on the receiving end that they forget what it means to give.
They take love, compassion, kindness, intimacy, romance and gifts and that's receivable to taking physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and otherwise to the extent that they become so lazy.
They do not see that there's any problem with what's happening and they are oblivious of the fact that anything is happening or that they are takers!
Are you someone who is comfortable with receiving from people in any and every way possible that you never get plagued by your conscience to give in return and you are comfortable with this?
Then you are indeed a taker!
please don't do it
Saturday, March 23, 2019
Baby Steps
So ... its been ages since I bothered to blog about anything. I actually started this blog when I was in some kind of a dark place in my life and this was my escape, my happy place. anyhow fast forward to this day and a lot of things have changed with me.
New country, new city, new friends, new job and as a matter of fact a totally new life and the career is finally having perspective.
sometimes it may just take you making a very bold step, getting up and leaving everything you know and you're used to for things to start to fall in pleasant places for you: I mean, Abraham got up and left before God could establish his covenant with him and up until these day we claim Abrahams blessings as ours. Imagine if Abraham refused to move and complacency didn't let him trust God enough for the possibilities of his entire existence...Lets just say we wont be talking about him and he probably would never have entered into the account of the bible.
what's the moral of this plenty talk? sometimes better things will come when you let go of the former things...'Behold I will do a new thing'.
Settling down in a new country and starting a new job immediately not knowing a single soul is not a joke trust me! Many times you would feel like giving up and wish you hadn't made the decision but if you keep at it knowing that whatever is thrown at you however difficult is a stepping stone ; just see it as a means to an end and not an end in itself...'If he brings you to it..He will bring you through it. what doesn't kill you will definitely make you stronger. you totally need to develop a thick skin and constantly keep your eyes on the price.
always have a plan as to what you want to achieve and give yourself timelines as you work through it. make friends as much as you can, be as welcoming and receptive as possible and be helpful.
let people see a true genuine human being in you and things will get easier for you. be good at your job and you will stand before kings.
Most importantly, trust God... Have conversations with him daily. it doesn't have to be ceremonial...talk to him, he is your father and the author and finisher that sees the end from the beginning.
Give yourself time, you will catch up and surpass your expectations...Learn as much as you can and work twice as hard.
Last but not the least ; take time to relax; travel, try new cuisines, read books, watch movies, do sleepovers,call your friends and family often
...do whatever to make sure that you breatheeeeeeeee…. baby steps!
New country, new city, new friends, new job and as a matter of fact a totally new life and the career is finally having perspective.
sometimes it may just take you making a very bold step, getting up and leaving everything you know and you're used to for things to start to fall in pleasant places for you: I mean, Abraham got up and left before God could establish his covenant with him and up until these day we claim Abrahams blessings as ours. Imagine if Abraham refused to move and complacency didn't let him trust God enough for the possibilities of his entire existence...Lets just say we wont be talking about him and he probably would never have entered into the account of the bible.
what's the moral of this plenty talk? sometimes better things will come when you let go of the former things...'Behold I will do a new thing'.
Settling down in a new country and starting a new job immediately not knowing a single soul is not a joke trust me! Many times you would feel like giving up and wish you hadn't made the decision but if you keep at it knowing that whatever is thrown at you however difficult is a stepping stone ; just see it as a means to an end and not an end in itself...'If he brings you to it..He will bring you through it. what doesn't kill you will definitely make you stronger. you totally need to develop a thick skin and constantly keep your eyes on the price.
always have a plan as to what you want to achieve and give yourself timelines as you work through it. make friends as much as you can, be as welcoming and receptive as possible and be helpful.
let people see a true genuine human being in you and things will get easier for you. be good at your job and you will stand before kings.
Most importantly, trust God... Have conversations with him daily. it doesn't have to be ceremonial...talk to him, he is your father and the author and finisher that sees the end from the beginning.
Give yourself time, you will catch up and surpass your expectations...Learn as much as you can and work twice as hard.
Last but not the least ; take time to relax; travel, try new cuisines, read books, watch movies, do sleepovers,call your friends and family often
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Saviour Mentality...
Sitting in the owners corner of a rented cab with air conditioning and watching d sun set with 'Romantic' by Korede the bello playing in very low tones but loud enough to hear it, my mind drifts and it got me thinking about my 'Ex' this probably stemmed from the call his best friend made to me to check up on me earlier in the day got me thinking about him.
It's been close to three years since we ended things although we are very cordial. I just distance myself from him in recent months because he's still full of lies.
Back to my thoughts I began to ask myself, what in the world did I see in this guy? He's nothing of the kind of man I'd ever be attracted to. My family and friends were surprised when they met him, although he has a warm jovial personality that they easily got to like but his general outlook was nothing of what they knew I'd be attracted to. Our meeting and dating was not the usual one, it kind of just happened.
Anyways, in my thoughts I hit something I could call my 'Eureka' moment : now 'Raggae blues' by Harrysong and Co is playing. Yes, my eureka moment is this, I have a saviour mentality.
I get attracted to people in need or people that are broken and I try to fix them. I devote my time and resources to fixing them. It's his issues that attracted me to him and this is so so true. Looking down the line I see how I get attracted to them because of compassion I feel and empathy and this isn't a great mentality. It doesn't portray the truth about feelings. You tend to get absorbed in the emotions you feel from the empathy and compassion and you try to help them and they fall for you and that's what people describe and say 'she's such a sweet and selfless person that's why I love her.
I have the saviour mentality, always wanting to go out of my way to help people fix their issues. A friend of mine constantly says to me. God says to 'Love your neighbour as yourself' you love yours morethan yourself. It's not a good thing my dear, you're being really silly. People will take advantage of you. Do not allow your niceness turn to foolishness and you cannot save everybody.
This is so true, this is the reason I was attracted and I stayed with him for the time that I did. He probably was never in love with me, he just felt indebted to me that's why we became and that's why it was so easy to cheat.
I know this now. I know better. It's never a mistake really, it's always a lesson. What you do with your mistakes is what helps you become stronger or bitter.
No bitter bone in this one, I am full of strength and I am happy and making progress. We wake, we live and we learn!
It's been close to three years since we ended things although we are very cordial. I just distance myself from him in recent months because he's still full of lies.
Back to my thoughts I began to ask myself, what in the world did I see in this guy? He's nothing of the kind of man I'd ever be attracted to. My family and friends were surprised when they met him, although he has a warm jovial personality that they easily got to like but his general outlook was nothing of what they knew I'd be attracted to. Our meeting and dating was not the usual one, it kind of just happened.
Anyways, in my thoughts I hit something I could call my 'Eureka' moment : now 'Raggae blues' by Harrysong and Co is playing. Yes, my eureka moment is this, I have a saviour mentality.
I get attracted to people in need or people that are broken and I try to fix them. I devote my time and resources to fixing them. It's his issues that attracted me to him and this is so so true. Looking down the line I see how I get attracted to them because of compassion I feel and empathy and this isn't a great mentality. It doesn't portray the truth about feelings. You tend to get absorbed in the emotions you feel from the empathy and compassion and you try to help them and they fall for you and that's what people describe and say 'she's such a sweet and selfless person that's why I love her.
I have the saviour mentality, always wanting to go out of my way to help people fix their issues. A friend of mine constantly says to me. God says to 'Love your neighbour as yourself' you love yours morethan yourself. It's not a good thing my dear, you're being really silly. People will take advantage of you. Do not allow your niceness turn to foolishness and you cannot save everybody.
This is so true, this is the reason I was attracted and I stayed with him for the time that I did. He probably was never in love with me, he just felt indebted to me that's why we became and that's why it was so easy to cheat.
I know this now. I know better. It's never a mistake really, it's always a lesson. What you do with your mistakes is what helps you become stronger or bitter.
No bitter bone in this one, I am full of strength and I am happy and making progress. We wake, we live and we learn!
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